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There's a train coming

It was election night.  I was driving across town to drop off my mail-in ballot that I hadn't gotten mailed.  Curtis Mayfield's People Get Ready came on the radio and it struck me as profoundly apt to the night.

Cut to later that evening, nervously watching the returns.  Filled with hope and anxiety in equal measure.  And then I remembered the song and went looking for it.  I found the youtube video and was in the process of posting it to LJ when they proclaimed Obama the next President of the United States - the entry is time stamped Nov 4th, 2008 at 9 PM.

Watching the coverage of the Obama Express yesterday, I was tearing up with emotion, feeling just an overwhelming love for this man.  And this song still plays in my head, it will forever be associated with Obama to me, it embodies hope.

A week or so ago I saw a headline proclaiming The President and his father would be interviewed together.  My reaction was "but Obama's father is dead" and it was a long moment before it sunk in that Bush was still President; I didn't realize until that moment how in my head Obama was already President.  But there's a train coming and soon the moment will be here.  The Moment - it's even become a catch phrase for CNN.  I never remember such excitement, such expectation, for an Inauguration.  I barely have any memories of any Inauguration period.

The only train ride like yesterday's I can remember is a somber one, the one carrying Bobby Kennedy's body.  And I hate that the specter of assassination still fills me with fear.  Thru my tears of joy I still say a little prayer to keep Obama safe.

I took leave Tuesday so I can stay home and watch the Inauguration...I've never felt history shimmering so bright, so ripe.  I've been reading a biography of Lincoln, one written in the 1980s, and the following resonated deeply with me:

"He had a moral vision of where his country must go to preserve and enlarge the rights of all her people...he had an acute sense of history - an ability to identify himself with a historical turning point in his time and to articulate the promise that held for the liberation of oppressed humanity the world over...he perceived the truth of his age and embodied it in his words and deeds...in his interaction with the spirit and events of his day, he made momentous moral decisions that affected the course of humankind".

Obama's decisions are yet to come - but he has the moral vision, he has the sense of history, he has the ability to articulate the challenges and promises of our age, he perceives the truth of our age and he embodies it in his words and deeds.  I sense the power of greatness and I am filled with the power of hope.

Pocketful of posies

  • 19:57 Artificially intelligent avatars will never be a match for naturally stupid ones #
  • 21:05 Restoring my soul with Sidney Bechet and King Oliver #
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Pocketful of posies

  • 19:55 I retract my last twitter, I shall soon indulge in an iphone and bid farewell to the sidekick #

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Oh the humanity

It was 1 pm. 

My shoelace had come untied.  I lifted my foot to my knee to tie my shoelace.  Something looked amiss with my pant leg.  Why could I see the hem I pondered.

Because I had my slacks on inside out.

And that's all I have to say about that.


If there are one or more people on your friends list who make your world a better place, just because they exist, & who you would not have met (in real life or not) without the internet, then post this same sentence in your journal

More Christian the Lion

This has a little more/different footage than the original video (and no story titles)

The reunion scene still makes me cry...my 6th grade teacher, Mrs. Adams, read us all the Born Free books and they left a lasting impression.

Elsewhere, just in case

7 1/2 years of LJ has been backed up to my Tinyboxes Wordpress blog:


I had, at some point in the past, started to import my old pre-LJ online journal entries, which date from Dec 97.  I actually had an online journal of one sort or another since 1995, but they were sporadic and on various geocities pages (back when they were truly cities) and I think mostly lost at this point.  I need to finish that job sometime...just as I need to import all my poetry, artwork, etc.  Someday.

If LJ disappears my main concern is keeping up with everyone on my friends list...I may not be a good commentor but I am a religious reader and I'd sincerely miss everyone.

I can be found at the following:

Tiny Boxes
Teacosy (the history is still there, hidden, and I may unhide it again some day, plus I toyed with making a knitting blog with it, but I'm not knitting these days, but regardless, I can never let go of teacosy)
Fotki (mostly older photos and art work)
MySpace (used for reading only, I don't keep it up)

I've got a vox account and I think I have a blogger account still, but if LJ isn't around I'll probably use tinyboxes for blogging and google reader and facebook for keeping up with everyone else.

Jan wishes

People would add her on Facebook

Janice S. Kingsford's Facebook profile

How not to fall asleep

Decide not to take your “sleep better” pill because you have the next 4 days off

Decide to play with the binaural apps you downloaded to your iPod Touch

Get bored and decide to play with the nature sounds apps you downloaded to your iPod Touch

Hear a Native American flute track and think of Coyote Oldman

Decide to go to iTunes on your iPod Touch to look for Coyote Oldman

Start listening to Coyote Oldman samples

Decide you ought to search for another certain Flute Man

Get overwhelmed by the number of albums and the shortness of the samples

Decide to go to Pandora on the IPod Touch and see if you can create a Native American station

Open up Pandora and discover you left it on The Monkees station

Start listening to the Monkees and Beatles tracks that keep playing and relieve Junior High

Sing along with Sweet Young Thing and disturb your puppies

Finally remember about the Native American station

Create one and be pleased that the first track is Coyote Oldman

Wonder if you can create a Renaissance station

Create one and discover it’s some group called Renaissance.  Or something.

Delete that and try creating a Gregorian Chant station.

Sign contentedly and plan to fall asleep to Gregorian Chants

Have something in one of the chants trigger a memory of Pavane

Decide you have to have Pavane on your iPod Touch

Go to iTunes and search for Pavane

Discover there are apparently over 700 versions of Pavane available, none of which is the version you want.

The version you want is the one on the Princess Diana tribute CD

Discover that CD is not available on iTunes

Try using the iPod Touch Amazon program and get frustrated with the lack of information shown

Go to your notebook computer and search for Princess Diana since you can’t remember the total name of the CD

Finally find the CD and discover the version you want is by Lesley Garrett

Don’t want to buy the entire CD and it doesn’t seem you can buy individual tracks from Amazon

Google the CD title, hoping to find the individual track to buy/.download

Find a lot of bit torrent links

Remember that you installed bit torrent long ago and never used it

Try to use bit torrent which doesn’t work and you don’t feel like fooling with it to fix it

Resume Googling

Find links to download, all of which involve paid subscriptions

Finally discover Amazon does have MP3 downloads

Find the track you want and download it

Put it on repeat and watch the sun rise


A family gathering - not Christmas, but my grandparents 50th Anniversary.  The men of my childhood.  First row, left to right, my Uncle Jimmy (father's sister's husband, childhood friend of my father's), my Uncle Merle (father's only brother), my Uncle Bill (my other aunt's husband).  Second row, left ro right, Grandpa Henry (father of Uncle Jimmy, my cousin's grandpa, not mine, but still he was my Grandpa Henry), Cousin Jess (my father's favorite cousin), Pa (my grandpa), my father.

It looks so 60s.  They all look so young.  I can hear their voices in my head.  Each one special to me in their own way when I was a kid.  All gone.

Sometimes I feel so alone.


"As soon as you put your art out there for people, someone will say, 'Because it is blue, I love it', and, for the exact same reason the next guy will say, 'Because it is blue, I hate it.' Once you understand that, there's freedom in the creative process. Otherwise, your creation is just a reaction to criticism."

Paperdolls 1 Dec 08

pinkblack1, originally uploaded by carouselrose.

I've had my phases in SL - there was the ball gown phase, the kimono phase, the falminco phase, the gothy phase. Retro is more of a state that a phase. I am now in my mix and match phase - a skirt from here, a top from there, an attachment from somewhere else. Today's outfit was a break from my boatneck sweater/pencil skirt/zaara shawl that I've been wearing lately.

The reindeer top hat doesn't exactly go with it all that pink lace, but I don't really care.

The pretty pink tree changes color constantly. It kind of reminds me of the aluminum tree of my childhood.

I loved that tree.

I love my winter wonderland backyard. Snow falls, christmas carols play, and a snowman skates on the little ice pond, which has a firepit and a candycane bench.

This is what I do in second life - play paper dolls and doll houses.

The hunt for Christmas

cupcakechair, originally uploaded by carouselrose.

They have begun...the Second Life Christmas hunts, the advent calendars, the free gifts. I'm wearing Christmas PJs and slippers, sucking on a candy cane, and sitting on a cup cake chair, all of which were deligtfully free. The reindeer hat, that I paid for...and love more than I should. I also had free Christmas tree earrings on and was wearing a free Christmas manicure.

I've avoided posting much about Second Life, just as I avoid posting much about WoW...but ya know, it's what I do, I feel like blogging about it. I feel like documenting all the little outfits I create, I feel like showing off the winter wonderland I created in my backyard, I feel like talking about my tentative steps in learning to create clothing. So I shall. And if I can ever get back into WoW, I feel like documenting Soire's, Tessa's and Claw's adventures. Claw - Clawhara - is my Orc death knight. Yes I did roll one - and found the beginning quests so much fun I kept playing him...and then I found playing him so much fun, I kept playing him. Now he's in Hellfire...and I'm tired of Hellfire already. And I can't get into leveling Soire or Tessa. I tried a Rhino for Tessa, but I hate how he rattles the ground and he's so big he's continuously in the way...so I went back to Grundy my Gorilladin, who so enjoys the hunt...and always has time to scratch his butt, even in the heat of battle...he has his priorities straight. I love AOE grinding with Grundy (and with Claw). Poor Soire, I totally can't get into playing her.

I'm sick of being sick, even when "sick" has basically equaled congested. But when you have breathing issues to begin with, congestion is more than enough to keep you down.

I'm sick of work. I had 5 days off and have to go back tomorrow and I don't wanna.

Thanksgiving is rough, for it is the anniversary of my mother's death...15 years...I have no words.

I have discovered almond butter.

Ignoring that I am in a funk is not making the funk disappear.

I wish I could write...I've lost some vital connection to the flow...


reststop3, originally uploaded by carouselrose.


clamber, originally uploaded by carouselrose.

I hope you dance

Some entries of lee7 reminded me of a picture I took on my last cruise and I had to go find it:

There was a square dance convention on the cruise and one night I watched them as they danced out on the deck.  I love this picture in all it's blurred out of focus glory, for it somehow captures the night better than a perfect picture could.  The lady in the wheelchair whirled and twirled with speed and grace...and wove her squares and circles with pure joy.  She inspired me then...and she inspires me even more after this past year.

I think I and my oxygen tank would make a dashing couple on the dance floor.

The Book of Love

He speaks my heart:


Never have I felt such pride in my country


I have read that Obama either inspires great hope or great fear.  The hope I understand - the fear is hard for me to comprehend, though I understand the reality of it.  Will people vote for their hopes or out of fear...my prayer is that hope triumphs fear.  The past several days I find myself continually tearing up when I read news stories about Obama - and I've tried repeatedly to explain why I cry and I utterly fail.  It is exhiliration and fear, it is an enorminity that humbles me.  I keep thinking back to when I was a little girl, out in the garage, helping my father with one of his furniture projects.  And we were discussing JFK's "Ask not..." speech.  My memories of JFK are the memories of a 5-8 year old child, but I can remember the hope, the belief in possibilities...and I never thought I'd feel those feelings in my lifetime again. 

But I do. 

And that is why the tears fall. 


Something has been weighing on me - and today that weight was lifted, it feels so wonderful.  In early September I had my 6 month appointment with the cardiologist and they had me do a halter monitor.  I was feeling no evidence of a fib, so the monitor showing a fib really threw me for a loop.  They upped the dosage of my heart medicine and had me come back for another monitor in a month.  I had the follow up appointment today for the results of that monitor and there was no a fib at all, such a huge relief.  I realized I'd gotten very careless regarding caffeine, so I've been very careful about it - no coffee, no tea, no chocolate.  I plan on sticking to that...except that when gingerbread lattes come out I will have a decaf one...I do deserve a treat :)

I got my Obama buttons and magnets from my PO Box today...I am nervous/excited about tomorrow.  When I was little my mother and I would make fruitcakes on election night...oh how I wish she were here and we could do that tomorrow night.  It's not the same doing it alone.

Exhaling feels so good.

That One

I am not a political person.  I make an effort to avoid politics.  I never talk politics.

Or I didn't.

Barack Obama has changed that.  He fills me with hope, he triggers feelings I haven't felt since JFK, when I was 5-8.  Colin Powell said it so much more intelligently and eloquently than I ever could - he is a transformational force, a force of hope, at a time when we need both.  He is a man I can believe in, a leader I can take pride in, someone who fills me with hope.

My vote is a vote for Obama, not a vote against anyone else.  That being said, I find Sarah Palin frightening on so many levels in so many ways, she embodies the worst of politics for me. 

It's important to me to declare my support of Obama and reject the fear-mongering and lies.  I am appalled at the utter crap being spewed and I cannot let silence be a tacit approval or agreement with such lies and manipulations.  I guess I am guilty of being horribly naive or just plain stupid, but I truly didn't believe in this day and age people could truly believe that under an Obama presidency whites will become slaves and another civil war will have to be fought to free the whites. How sad to be that fearful, that small...how scary that such ignorance exists, and worse, being fed.

The choice between fear and hope is a clear one to me: That One.